on estrangement

When my father was younger he would take me to the driving range in a neighboring town. He bought me a set of tiny pink golf clubs. I never really expressed interest in learning to golf. I expressed interest in him, which he took as an interest in golf. We went nonetheless. I wore an orange polo shirt. I think my father was lonely. He was very lonely, which I think is why he tried. These were the years of his trying. During custody we ate a lot of Burger King, frozen corndogs, and strip mall Chinese food. He took us to movies that we loved although they were a bit too mature for us to fully get them. He bought cardboard tampons and one dollar Ocean Breeze shampoo that broiled my hair. He took us to church, soccer practice, Friendly’s. Brigit Pegeen Kelly begins “The Leaving” with “My father said I could not do it.” It is odd to speak of a poet in the present tense when she is dead. It is odd to think of a father in past tense when he is not.