Blood Line

I.

I wanted there to be a rivering, a signal.

I wanted the clench and bother, the stain and solder of it,

a desire to fit into that sisterhood.  I wanted it—

desire: the clench and solder

rivering: the stain and signal

the wanting: a fit and a bother

II.

Each month, there was a river, signaling

         clench. Clot and bother. Stain and stench. A doubling

                     pain I did not want. The pain of that belonging—

doubling: the clench and signal

river: the stench and clot

the wanting: a bother of belonging

III.

I wanted to be a river, gathering stones, signals

 to shape in my current and birth smooth and new

onto a shore.  I wanted to be both river and shore—

gathering: the stone and current

shape: the new and smooth

the wanting: a signal for shore

IV.

Each month, there was a river, signaling

         failure. Clot and carnage. Loss and empty. The breaking

                     of biology’s promise. A promise of a second heart—

failure: the clot and biology

carnage: the heart and signal

the wanting: an empty promise

V.

I was tired of the rivering, all its tributaries, signals

         of nothing. Flow and fallow. Useless current. More

                     nuisance than nurture. I wanted to be landlocked—

flow: the useless and nuisance

fallow: the landlocked and nothing

the wanting: a signal of nurture

VI.

I wanted to be something else,

the river dry, a signal of endings.

Drought and flaking. Sweat and shiver.

A new shore for this salvage.

I salvage a self, unrivered.

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