How To Fix A Broken

1.
When you decide to embark on household repairs, make sure you’re familiar with the protocols, especially with tricky issues. For example, when fixing electrical wiring, turn off the light switch and the breaker. Both are key. Complications zap like dysfunctional relationships.

Next, round up the accoutrements. Keep your tools close and ready, not buried underneath your luggage. You’ll need tools in life more than you realize. If you want to thrive at the aforementioned fix, you’ll need screwdrivers (flat and Phillips head: be prepared), wire cutters, and a clamp. Do not wait until mid-process to collect your tools. Tension is high already.

Even with the above, don’t forget the necessities:

• • Confidence in yourself (even flickering belief helps,
    especially when your mother questions your abilities)
  • Perseverance (required for stripped screws and stubborn family members)
  • Closed-toe shoes (protection from random electric shocks, Dad and brother recommended)
  • Patience (imperative, often in short supply)
  • Humor (necessary, never on sale at Home Depot)

2.
My mom questions if I can and should do home repairs. 
I can. 
She questions if I can do anything safely or correctly.
I can. 
She questions if I will spend more time with her than him or them.
I will not.
She questions if I will be honest with her about my time with my dad and his newest wife.
I will not.
She questions why I ask her not to speak about them and their life.
Because I can, I will, and I must.

3.
Accept that you will be fully broken if you continue to live with your mother as she implodes from the divorce and subsequent shards. 

4.
Before starting a home repair, talk through the issue and eliminate easy fixes, like replacing a lightbulb. If it’s more complicated, like the bathroom light’s wiring, first, remove the switch plate, then place that and the screws in the same area. Secure the primary items. You could easily lose them forever. Unhook the electrical cap. Find the disconnection: the wires became loose for some reason: some illogical, some logical, some unknown, some known. But, usually caused by a weak building structure or foundation. 

5.
Sometimes, repairs are a solo job. Sometimes, they’re not. Sometimes, we ignore what needs to be repaired for years and subsequently feel like a shitty human for being defective. Sometimes, they require multiple trips to Home Depot with an embarrassing myriad of returns, exchanges, and questions.

6.
Break your mom’s heart when you move in with your dad. For more than thirty years, listen to her relay, “Your father is not a good man” in some alternating form or another. Feel tremendous guilt and confusion over whose side you’re supposed to be on because you’re definitely supposed to choose sides and you’re certainly not allowed to be okay while living with your father. Become hyper-vigilant because you never know when the energy will spike or the breaker will blow. 

With the loose wires, give each one a trim, then reunite the two. Remember, they could disconnect again — even on their own accord —  even without your consent. Still, put everything back. Remember, if you fixed it before, you can probably fix it again. Flip the breaker back on and try the light switch.

7.
For years, listen to Mom ask, “Why did you move in with him?” while she pushes a grocery cart through the potato chip aisle, while you eat Thanksgiving dinner with your aunt and uncle, while you sit in therapy together.  

Avoid the question as long as possible; hope the light will somehow repair on its own.

8.
Option: stay in the dark. Try to adapt. Consider living in a blackout.

Tolerate your mother’s quizzing for so long, then demand, “Do not talk about Dad and his life. Do not ask about Dad and his life.” When she refuses to comply, scream so loudly for her to stop your throat feels on fire. Brownout your own mother for six months.

9.
Keep your dad oblivious to these problems. He’d misinterpret as a new circuit route. 

Instead, brag to your dad about how you replaced three toilet seats — and how many hours it took — but never tell him about the broken fuse. 

10.
To keep the parts working, practice forgiveness and acceptance on a rolling basis. Remember, he’s living like alternating current, the only way he knows how. And she’s trying to follow your directions, due to fear of becoming disconnected again. And, you, you’re fixing yourself, one faulty wire at a time.

Cheatsheet:
Progress > electrocution 
Light > dark
Connection > disconnection